Speaking up to those you love (even when it's SO HARD)
If you knew me years ago, I never really spoke up. When things got tough or something made me feel uncomfortable, I'd have conversations with other people in my journal and not in real life. Embarrassing and true.
First of all, I wasn’t aware of this pattern. This shoving of things under the rug behavior. I had no idea I was even doing it.
Now that I’m aware of it, I didn’t have the skillset to approach people with my feelings or feedback. That’s the honest truth. They don’t teach open and honest or tough love communication in school. Oh, how I WISH they did! My life would have been a lot easier.
That pent up energy … all of those things left unsaid is probably why my back hurts sometimes. The emotional energy has to go somewhere, right? When we don't take time to process it, the body holds onto things. THIS is why we tap. It’s a safe way to process old, stale emotions so the body can clear this energy and be truly FREE.
Now, I've changed. I don’t want to sit on my hands and NOT share how I feel. I'm committed to finding a way to speaking my truth even when it's REALLY HARD. This blog is a reminder for me too. Telling people how their actions made us feel is never easy. It can be a touchy thing. The good thing is there are ways to approach it, so you can get these feelings off your chest. Here’s what I recommend.
If you have a tough conversation coming up, let's make it easier:
First, get clear on what you want to say. When emotions are high, it's easy to go on tangents. Jot down your thoughts to get grounded.
Then, vibe higher before you talk. Take a walk outside, say a prayer that what you’ll say will be what that person needs to hear, shake the anger or fear or sadness off, and of course, tap on it.
Next, use non-violent communication. There's a book called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg that has a brilliant approach for wording tough love. Listen to the audio below to learn the technique.
Lastly, give up expectations. This is probably the hardest part when you express something that's on your heart and you're not sure how the other person will react. Be okay with your message not be fully received or heard at all. Frustrating, I know, but the point of sharing your feelings is to be more authentic with those in your life. You can walk around stuffing your feelings down, but that only compounds the hurts and if not expressed properly … it can blow up in your face like a volcano. This act of openness may be to honor your feelings. Deep down, the other person may appreciate your sentiment, but they may not be ready to face the truth—or even clean up their side of the street. And that's okay! Speak up anyway because it’s a sign of self-respect. Then give it up to a higher power. The rest is up to the stars.
To learn the nonviolent communication technique, click the audio below: